There are so many ways that we want to help ourselves and someone with good intentions but it doesn’t really lead to doing the right thing. There are a few ways which if avoided can make life easier so much.
Experts explain how to make matters better, not worse by trying to avoid these ways.
1.Saying, ” Let me know if there’s anything I can do, ” when a friend is in crisis: Saying this is a lovely sentiment when your friend or a relative is in a crisis situation. They may be dealing with a death in the family, a health crisis, or something joyful like planning a hard event!- take action. “Be specific, so they can simply say yes or no,” For Ex: Drop of dinner, pick her kids from school, by offering a cleaning service, or help out with planning a party or event for them, etc.
2. Saying, ” This will pass” or “the worst part is over”: How do you know? Instead, just listen to what they have to say and just be there.
3. You are doing much better without him: People get back together! Also saying something like this implies that the person shouldn’t be upset, which is annoying. Instead, try to let them be for some time or say something like “it must be hard to start over again.” Avoid saying phrases like ” I never liked him” and “He was not good for you.”
4. Have you tried doing yoga or that medicine: Leave all the manner of treatment discussions regarding her or her family to her doctor. You never know what someone’s situation is so just be there for them and try to help them in other ways that they might really need.
5 When the timing is right it will happen: Marriage and infertility issues are touchy. It’s not comforting to tell women every time that her time is not right at present.
6. Over Empathizing: It’s really easy to listen to a friend and say I can understand your situation as I also been through that and start your own story. Instead, just say “I can imagine how you feel.”
7. Always answering for your kids: You are always answering for your kids but want to create a habit where kids answer for themselves even if they shy. So start small like tell your kids you will pay for the ice cream shop but they have to tell them what toppings or syrups they want. This way they learn that their parents don’t solve all their problems.
8. Asking a new mom how the baby is sleeping: This one sounds like you asking how good is that mom implementing the baby’s routine. Instead, ask ” How are you sleeping?”
There are also some list of compliments that we should retire from forever, like
9. “You look great for your age.”: I don’t get this one it sounds more like for your age, you just don’t look great, full stop.
10. “Looks like you got some sleep last night.”: This sounds like you normally look like a zombie.
11. Do you get ( a celebrity name) a lot? “You look just like her.”: Not every famous face is universally admired. This will turn on you when your friend makes a grim face and says Eww, you really think so?
12. Indulging in wishful clothing: That is when you buy clothes for the life you aspire to instead of the life you have. If you a stay at home mom? Some comfortable leggings and casual tops will make you feel better than a closet full of party wear gowns and expensive clothing.
13. Shopping for the wrong stuff: You are always shopping or wearing something wrong that you never wear. It will keep sitting in your closet for months and years or you might just buy and wear it for one occasion and never ever again. Instead, buy something that goes with your personality and you can wear it more.
14. Wearing something shapeless: Wearing something that’s not fitting and doing this makes it worse. Try to wear something tailored and fitted that can make you stand up straighter and helps to perpetuate a better mood.
15. Being an impatient cook: Not waiting for the water to boil fully before putting in the pasta, or not waiting for the potatoes to boil completely. Accordingly make time for cooking before you know what you going to cook.
16. Trying to make everything from scratch: Don’t invest your time making everything from scratch which might take a lot of your time and energy. Recipes like few carbs are labor-intensive and even the store-bought works just well.
17. Buying in bulk: You’re not saving money on the gallon jar of mayo unless you use it before it goes bad. Don’t let the excitement of a good deal take over logic. If you have limited storage stick to bargains that gets used quickly like toilet paper or diapers, not 24 cans of tomato sauce or oatmeal.
18. Looking at calories instead of sugar: When you eat a lower or a non-fat food like yoghurt or ice cream, the sugar content is the same even though the calories are less. So there is proportionately more sugar and less fat. Sugar can distort your internal system and make you want to eat more.
19. Shooing people out of the kitchen at a party: Are you that type of host who says, “No, No, No, I’ve got it”? when friends ask for help. Even if you prefer to do everything solo a friend can save you 10 minutes by setting out napkins or filling water glasses.
20. Working through lunchtime: If you keep working even in your lunchtime and don’t take a break in the day you will end up taking a fake one like checking your Facebook or twitter at 3 p.m. Its very important to maintain a right time of schedule for your meals.
21. Catching up on sleep during the weekends: During the weekends we tend to sleep in more for 2 hours or so. Sleeping more than that can lead to disturbing your schedule and metabolism. We as adults need an average of seven to eight hours of sleep per night. Regularity in your sleep time is the key.
22. Multitasking : Doing too many things at one time can be very stressful and inefficient. We are more efficient and fast when we focus on only one thing at a time.
23. Checking your phone constantly: You invite people or get invited over for lunch or a get-together and then keep checking on your phone constantly. It’s just a compulsive behavior and most of us don’t need to do that. Instead, be in the present moment, talk to people in front of you, and keep the temptation of liking or commenting on a social app for a later time.
24. Apologizing for everything: ” I’m sorry for not texting you back.” I’m sorry I didn’t put enough salt in the food.” I’m sorry my room is a mess.” It’s not really necessary to feel sorry and apologizing for everything which you might have intentionally or unintentionally did. It blocks the other person to tell you how they feel and also sounds off-putting sometimes. If someone is really upset, wait for them to tell you and then apologize.
25: Self-criticizing yourself: This one is something that I myself am working on. It’s ok to feel guilty about something and trying to correct it, but also try to let go. Being self-critical about everything makes you feel less confident about yourself. Instead, be satisfied with yourself and be positive.